dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
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...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
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it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
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