Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
ron's 8" boning knife is for sale. oh and it comes with a flavor injector.
High?
hahahahaha turkey breast
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
Randomize
