I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
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