remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
Its only 8 and she is already passed out
Perfect here is wht u do. Gently slip your index middle and ring finger into her butt hole but gently u dont wnt to wake her..let me know when ur ready for step 2
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
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