I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
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