thus making me awesome and them whores
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
Randomize
