How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
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