We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
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