she takes plan B like it's going out of style
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
Randomize
