woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
Princesses don't give blow jobs
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
Randomize
