TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
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