and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
