You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
What a dumb baby whore.
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
Randomize
