____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
Randomize
