tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
Randomize
