and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
Randomize
