This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
Randomize
