You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
meet me or not, i'm out of control
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
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