Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
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