YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
Randomize
