Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
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