I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
Randomize
