Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
Randomize
