I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
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