I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
Randomize
