Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
Randomize
