3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
Randomize
