i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
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