is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
Randomize
