ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
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