I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
porn star boner night. come get it.
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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