I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
I puked a lego.
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
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