dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
