i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
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