I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
I am naked and annoyed.
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
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