I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Randomize
