All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
Randomize
