im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
