My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
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