And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
Randomize
