mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
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