Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
Randomize
