Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
