Christians are straight up FREAKS
just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
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