She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
That was an excessively violent trivia night
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
Liz is crying about burritos again.
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
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