Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
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