we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
Randomize