dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
Randomize
