Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
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