so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
Randomize
