I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
Randomize
