It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
Randomize
