I didn't shave. On purpose
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
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