Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
Randomize
