He said he was just looking at my pictures and was thinking about how he wanted to cut my hair..then dye it black and put platnium blonde extensions throughout it and layer my hair
Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
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