tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
I love you. Go after that dick
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