I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
Randomize
