He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
only you would photoshop your dick
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
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