guys are not supposed to queef...right?
I wish i was in the wii world.
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
