Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize
