Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
My dad is sitting where you rode me
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
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