I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
What changed your mind?
Being sober
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
Randomize
