ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
my sisters under your porch take her home
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
Randomize
