he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
Randomize
