His pubic hair was longer than his dick
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
Randomize
