youre lurking in front of me
i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
Randomize
