you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
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