I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
Randomize
