I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
Randomize
