Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
Naked. naked and bneed help.
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
Randomize
