drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
I like to think it a success when the cops are called
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
Randomize
