If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
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