I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
Randomize
