I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
Randomize
