I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
Randomize
