I'm sorry that you just had your first misguided homo experience
I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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