need another drink. this is the easiest way
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
Randomize
