i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
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