Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
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He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
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where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
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