I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
