I think we need to take a brake
What upsets me the most about that is that you spelt it 'brake'
Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
Drunk is not a location!
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
Randomize
